I never quite understood depression until experiencing it first hand. In one defining moment it reared its dark head from the shadows and bit me hard; and I couldn’t deny it. Whether we know or acknowledge the reasons behind its manifestations, it is debilitating.
Growing up, depression and anxiety weren’t part of my physical, or emotional vocabulary, or at least I didn’t know how to label precisely what I was feeling. One felt a range of various emotions and feelings and simply dealt with them, regardless of knowing names and definitions for said emotions or not.
I recall various points in my life feeling very down but never considered it depression. Then, through one defining moment I had a sparking realization on the matter. I was head over heels “in love” with a girl. Eventually we got engaged, but like a dagger to the heart it suddenly ended within a month.
This was one of the lowest points in my life. It hurt a lot. I got really jaded and down. The realization soon came, “Oh, I’m depressed. I’m really depressed.” With time and other help I eventually got out of the funk. But what of other people? I know for some the abyss of anxiety and depression goes deep and may be seemingly inescapable. How does one overcome? Heal?
I’m amazed at the examples of many people I’ve seen who manage to pick themselves up and pull themselves from the abyss that is anxiety and depression, and move forward. It can truly be a dark place. One that is difficult to escape. But it is possible.
I offer the perspective of one who has mostly been on the opposite side trying to help someone and lift them from the depths of deep depression and a crippling anxiety disorder. I did not wholly appreciate the full scope and challenge with this ‘demon’ I call depression/anxiety, until I met a girl who struggled with it. And at one time, during my moment of depression, she had helped to lift me out of my darkness. So as the story goes, she became my wife. 😉
Learning of her experience, it seemed that she had every opportunity or excuse to give up, yet time and time again she picked herself up and fought on. She persisted against the odds.
At certain points in our marriage this demon awoke and reared its ugly head daring once more to drag her down. In those dark moments I came to learn an increase in empathy and more fully appreciate the struggle of the truly depressed. But what could I do?
I knew my wife. I knew of her strength and resilience, but the circumstances and struggles, as they were, took their toll. She was crumbling at the burden of this darkness. I was struggling how to cope with the situation amidst all the other demands of life and supporting a young family. We often laugh at the stereotype of men wanting to fix things, and though I wanted to help, how could I fix this? Though I tried my efforts felt fruitless.
Often the individual may not be able to explain why they feel down and low the way they do. There may be one or many reasons behind it; regardless, the feelings and struggle are the reality their are living in. You don’t merely flip a switch to “Just be happy.”
This particular time period was difficult, to say the least. I’m sure I produced a lot of grey hairs during this time. Would I lose my woman to this demon of depression and anxiety? Again, what could I do?
Again, she amazed me. She was and is a warrior woman in every measure of the phrase. Sadly so many succumb to their demons, yet she continued to fight. Many people and things can be credited to helping lift her back into the light from that darkness, enabling her to heal; however, she can speak to her own experience and the clear reasons behind her healing process.
It is not my intent to overshadow or over-trivialize the reality of anyone’s struggle, but rather share this note of Hope. Like a Phoenix fallen and then risen from the ashes, I have seen my wife struggle and crash, and metaphorically have her soul be burnt down, only to overcome and rise from the charred ashes to shine, born anew. Stronger. Brighter. Better. And I know it is possible for others too.
My wife is a Phoenix that has fought against all odds. She continues to fight. Perhaps I could say I’m one of the lucky ones to still have her by my side, though I would not attribute it to mere luck. In some measure or other we must all face a demon our lives that would crumble us down to ash. Are we like a Phoenix, strong enough to rise from the charred remains of our former self, to heal and live anew?
In an age with such a prevalence of depressed and anxious people; people close to suicide, you never know what someone else is going through. Try to be kind. Try to be empathetic and understand. Listen. They may be one experience away from tragedy, or one hopeful, uplifting experience away from rising up in their ‘ashes’ to become someone, something new.
Fight on my friends. Move forward. There is hope. It can and does get better for those struggling and for those trying to help. Rise from the ashes of your demons, reborn to life anew.
