I’m confident that deep down most people desire happiness. And no, I do not mean pleasure. Everyone seeks pleasure. It is natural and inherent to our physical bodies; but pleasure is fleeting and temporary. True joy, true happiness, is lasting. It doesn’t depend solely on circumstance. Even when we struggle and experience “down” moments we can possess an attitude and lifestyle that ultimately breathes happiness.
Many years ago, as a younger man, I sat to share a meal in the middle of a small, simple living space with a family in South America. A rough dirt floor covered the area beneath my worn shoes. The ceiling and walls of the home were formed by scraps of metal sheets and wood planks. Their entire living space was smaller than my current bedroom. The house stood in one of the most nefarious ghettos in the area.
An old musky odor mixed with wisps of sewage smell filled the room, hanging heavy in the humid air. Though I had adapted somewhat to many of the city’s more testing odors, they could still challenge my grit. This setting and circumstance was humbling by all measure.
This family lived in extreme poverty and yet were honored to serve what food they had. I recall the man offering me, with a warm smile, a bowl of polenta (boiled corn meal), covered in a thick layer of oil and salt. My stomach squirmed, but I accepted the bowl gratefully. I ate it all with a returned smile. After the meal I left the neighborhood humbled and increased in gratitude; and I left swiftly out of fear of being robbed.
This experience remains etched on my mind and soul to this day. The family lived in the most humbling of settings and despite their circumstance, they wore smiles. And this is just one of many such experiences. In comparison, by such standards, I had been raised in a much more accommodating lifestyle. What reason had I to complain and not be content? The standard for my expectations had be forever altered.
Such experiences can change one’s perspective. Despite all the many reasons that one can find to be unhappy instead focus on what creates or entices happiness. I have learned the simple secret that one of the fundamental principles to set one on the road to happiness is – Gratitude.
No, it is definitely not the only, single guiding principle towards fulfilling happiness, but to begin with it is significant. The grateful individual develops the appropriate state of mind for establishing a lifestyle of happiness. Gratitude helps to reset and realign our expectations for what it truly requires for us to be content.
In contrast to this experience many years ago, I recently observed a video of groups of millennial aged individuals shouting and contending with one another over a number of sociopolitical issues. Many from one group came across as frantic, distraught, discontent, entitled; verbally unhappy with the world around them. They refused to acknowledge opposing ideas. Some screamed obscenities critiquing the world around them, unhappy that it wasn’t the way they felt it should be. They had established a certain level of expectations, unrealistic or not.
These individuals were, by all appearances, unhappy. Yet, one could argue that they lived a comfortable life like kings and queens of old, comparatively. They lived in a country that offered unparalleled amounts of freedom and opportunity. What had they to complain about really?
I can’t help but wonder how perspectives and behavior might change if these people were to express gratitude instead. Were they ever taught to look at the world around them and be thankful? What if they sat and ate a simple meal of corn meal in a small shack somewhere? How would these things morph their attitudes and views? You know, it is hard to be content and happy when you only see faults everywhere and only look for the bad in everything.
When my own children complain about things they don’t have or comment on certain activities we are not doing as a family, they probably tire of me responding with, “I don’t think you guys realized how good you have it.” I try to get them a direct ticket on the gratitude train.
My daughter asked me once, disappointed, “Why haven’t we gone to Paris yet as a family?” What? Paris? Who do you think we are? Her expectations had been skewed by a popular Youtube channel, come to find out. My wife and I had to set things straight and correct expectations and reintroduce gratitude. One does not need a trip to Paris to be happy.
Many children, perhaps not enough, are taught early on in life to say the words, “Thank You.” It’s basic. It attempts to teach our kids to verbally acknowledge appreciation and hopefully instill within them a seedling of gratefulness. As an attribute it goes deeper than just saying “Thank you” all the time.
Consider that false expectations and cynicism can breed emotions of dissatisfaction, frustration, hatred, etc.. This mindset fills one with negativity. In contrast, when we begin noting all the elements in life for which we are grateful, it has an inherent effect on our mindset. Positivity replaces negativity, optimism surmounts pessimism, hope can overcome despair, and so forth.
In addition, a grateful mindset does not mean that we wantonly disregard the negative or bad around us. We can remain aware of challenges and also rise above the bad to offer constructive criticism in the right frame of mind.
The world around us is relentless in its efforts to alter our perceptions and expectations on what it means to be truly happy in this life. Like with my daughter, for example, she started to develop the false expectation that a family trip to Paris was necessary be happy and have fun. She though it was a normal thing. Nope. At least not for us.
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can truly influence our frame of mind to set us on a path of contentment in this life. Recalling those humbling situations in our lives, noting all that we have been blessed with, all that we are thankful for can be a transformative exercise. I, for one, cannot forget that humble bowl of corn meal sitting over a dirt floor. It inspires me to grit my teeth when needed, to smile and be grateful.
